Newswatch at 5:30
Dealing With Clutter
Why do people keep clutter?
There are many reasons why people keep clutter and generally put, clutter is symbolic of our ability to hold on or let go appropriately in our lives. The meaning of clutter is as unique and dynamic as the clutter collector. In answer to the question, “Why do people keep clutter” a number of common themes have surfaced in the courses I teach.
Many clutter students say it is hard to let go of things from past relationships for sentimental reasons. They feel that if they hang onto the object they are hanging onto the experience or the person who is no longer in their life. Many group participants have said their stuff represents part of their identity, part of who they were in the past, whether that was a productive businesswoman, versus who they may be now, - a retired senior. One woman said, “My stuff defines me”. This is very common in North America where we define ourselves by what we have. Many people spoke about clutter being a source of comfort, security and safety, filling the emptiness they feel inside.
Buying things you don’t need
It is important to examine what is going on in your life when you are shopping for things that you do not need. Some of my students have identified feelings of anger, powerlessness, and a fear of poverty that drives them to accumulate more. One women in my group told us about an experience of going in the store with a friend, not wanting to buy anything but ended up buying some ornaments because she did not want her friend to think she couldn’t buy it, she wanted her friend to think she was okay. Many women find themselves shopping for clothes when they are feeling fat or uncomfortable in their bodies, believing that they can find the perfect dress to make them feel good. They end up buying clothes they many never wear. Even books can be something that people buy and don’t read, one women said she tells herself “I doesn’t know enough, I can’t do it on my own” and tells herself she needs that buy that book. Feelings such as unworthiness, comparing yourself to others, feeling disconnected or lonely drive you to purchase things you don’t need or may not even use.
• Ask yourself what do you tend to buy that you don’t need, or don’t use?
• What feelings are usually driving the shopping for these items?
Since clutter has a purpose in our lives; some people have said that it feels familiar, providing a sense of security and safety. I believe as humans we don’t do things that do not have a benefit. One women in my workshop realized that she was unconsciously keeping all the household clutter in her bedroom. She said all her friends tell her to find a man, yet she knows she is not ready. She said, “ My room is so messy that there is no way I can bring a man in there”. For her the benefit to clutter was to keep men at a distance, creating a boundary. Other workshop participants said that clutter helps distract them from dealing with their problems, some women felt they could not go out and have fun, or change jobs while their apartment was such an overwhelming mess.
When asked, “How does your clutter affect you?” many people say clutter slows them down and is grounding. This is in fact true, as clutter will slow the pace of change in your life. Clearing clutter can bring up a lot of emotional issues for people. Many people have spoken about anxiety, feelings of grief, and the fear of letting go of past relationships. Many students in my groups spoke about the fear of their sense of self-changing. Like most people, you probably fear change to some extent. Unconsciously, holding onto clutter may serve as a way to hold onto the familiar and insulate you from change. Talking about clutter is not something people do. Many clutter students call it “their dirty little secret”, and feel a lot of shame. Clutter can also trigger feelings of frustration, irritation anger and feeling of being out of control.
When we start to clear clutter a lot of feelings may come forward to the surface. It is important to explore these feelings before clearing clutter so that you don’t get overwhelmed in the process and get stuck.
Before you start to clear clutter you must ask yourself the following questions:
What are the effects of clutter on you?
What emotional issues/memories are attached to your clutter?
What emotional states do you connect to accumulating more clutter?
What is hard for you to let go of?
What are the benefits to your clutter?
When you start to clear clutter what feelings come up?
The positive effects of clearing clutter
In my workshops participants described feeling relaxed, liberated, independent, happy, peaceful, proud, joyful, freedom, energy, in control, closure, and a sense of new opportunities as they let go of clutter. They all spoke about creating space for new things to come into their lives. These feelings are very common when you clear your clutter with awareness. Clearing your clutter with conscious intent allows you are making space for something new. This is one of the key principles of Fengshui that the internal and the external are connected, and in fact the external is a reflection of the internal. This is why clutter clearing is so powerful. It helps you release stuck energy from the past, allowing more energy to flow into your life to create the changes you want.
The Definition of Clutter
Karen Kingston author of Creating Sacred Space defines clutter by asking three questions:
- Have I used this in the past year?
- Do I love it?
- Does it lift my energy when I look at it, use it?
If you said no to 2 out of 3 questions then it is clutter, let it go, let it go!
Questions to ask yourself as you are clearing out the clutter from your closet or any part of your home.
I like to call them “clear the way questions”
(from the website: www.fengshuiontario.com)
- Do I love it?
- Do I need it?
- Does it reflect who I am at this time in my life?
- How does it make me feel? What positive and/or negative thoughts, memories or emotions do I associate with this item?
- Does it need to be fixed or repaired? If so am I willing to do it now?
- If I’m letting it go, will I sell, give, or throw it away, and when?
Questions To Ask About Your Clutter
- How many do I already have, and is that enough?
- Do I have enough time to use, review or read it?
- Have I used this during the past year?
- Do I have a specific plan to use this item within a reasonable time frame?
- Does this fit with my own values and needs?
- How does this compare with the things I value highly?
- Does this just seem important because I’m looking at it now?
- Is it current?
- Is it of good quality, accurate, and or reliable?
- Is it easy to understand?
- Would I buy it again if I didn’t already own it?
- Do I really need it?
- Could I get it again if I found I really needed it?
- Do I have enough space for this?
- Will not having this help me solve my clutter problem?
The clutter groups are a partnership between the Canadian Mental Health Association, Social Housing and Fengshui Ontario (fengshuiontario.com)
Bridget McFarthing offers courses privately on clutter and well being at Path to Stillness Yoga in Lindsay, and the Humanist Yoga centre in Peterborough. If you are interested in clutter classes e-mail Bridget through her website for private classes ($10 per night).
For mental health issues, register for the free class through Canadian Mental Health Association at: 705-328-2704.
Helpful Books:
"Clear your clutter with fengshui" by Karen Kingston
"Compulsive Hording and acquiring Workbook" by Stekete and Frost
"Messies" series by Sandra Felton
When I'm ready to let my clutter go, what do I do with it?
Clutter Resource Chart (Adobe pdf File)
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These are useful questions to ask yourself when sorting through your clutter, ask the question about each object, sort into three piles, keep, donate, garbage.
- How many do I already have, and is that enough?
- Are you saving things until you have more time to deal with them? If so ask yourself:
Do you have more reading material than you can possibly read? If so do you really want to spend the time necessary to read them? Do I have enough time to use, review or read it? What other parts of your life will you miss or will suffer by doing so?
- Do you have more__________________ (fill in the blank) than you could possibly use?
- If so do you really want to spend the time necessary to deal with them? What other parts of your life will you miss or will suffer by doing this?
- Have I used this during the past year? How much do you actually use it now?
- Do I have a specific plan to use this item within a reasonable time frame?
- Do you keep this because you like it? How much do you actually look at it?
- Are you keeping it for sentimental reasons? Is this the best way to remember him or her?
- Do you keep this for emotional comfort or vulnerability? Does it really protect you?
- Does it offer information or opportunity? How real and important is that?
- Does this fit that I am now?
- Would I buy it again if I didn’t already own it?
- Do I really need it?
- Could I get it again if I found I really needed it?
- Do I have a place for this? Enough space for this?
- Does this fit with my own values and needs?
- How does this compare with the things I value highly?
- Does this just seem important because I’m looking at it now?
- Is it current?
- Is it of good quality, accurate, and or reliable?
- . Does it need to be fixed or repaired? If so am I willing to do it now? If not now when?
- Will not having this help me solve my clutter problem?
Questions to ask yourself in evaluating your urge to buy something.
Good questions to ask:
- Do I already own something similar?
- Am I only buying this because I feel bad (angry, depressed, and so on) right now?
- In a week will I regret getting this?
- Could I manage without it?
- If it needs fixing do I have enough time to fix it or is my time better spent on other activities?
- Will I actually use this item in the near future?
- Do I have a specific place to put this?
- Is this truly valuable or useful, or does it just seems because I am looking at it now?
- Is it good quality (accurate, reliable, attractive)?
- Examine the advantages and disadvantages of acquiring an object before you make the decision.
- Carefully consider how much you actually need, rather than merely want, an item you are considering acquiring.
- Will not getting this help me solve my clutter problem?
Work to set your own personal rules for acquiring that you decide on. For example you may decide not to buy something or accept a free item unless you plan to use it in the next month, or if you have an uncluttered place in your home to put the item. Or one-person suggestion, one thing comes in, one thing goes out as her personal rule.
How can you help someone with clutter issues?
- Nagging and belittling does not work, acting like a drill sergeant or task master just makes people feel nervous or angry and interferes with their ability to learn new approaches, they feel even more isolated and misunderstood and revert to bad habits.
- Provide emotional support, express empathy statements like “I can see how hard this is for you.
- Help the person make decisions but do not make decisions for them. The person with the clutter needs to develop their own rules for deciding what to keep and what to let go of. As a support you can remind them of these rules by asking the sorting questions like “Is it useful? Do you need it? Can you do without it? In the long run are you better keeping it or letting it go? See the list of questions to ask.
- Recognize that if you do it for them, you give them the message that they cannot do it themselves, and does not allow them to learn new behaviors and may feel threatened and secretly acquire and hide more clutter, quickly filling the space that you have cleared.
- Be a cheerleader, sometimes we all need an extra boost when things get difficult. Calling the person to remind them of their agreement or homework, telling them you believe they can do it, and tell them when they are doing a good job increases motivation to do more. Don’t make decisions for them; help them to feel in control of the clutter clearing process.
- Be willing to help them with hauling, many people who have a lot of clutter it would take them a year or more to discard it all by themselves. This makes it easy to get discouraged because progress is slow. Let the person with the clutter make the decisions and remain fully in charge of the process.
- Be a supportive coach by keeping them focused and asking the clearing questions, if you are agreeing to work with them, work for 15 minutes at a time maximum.
- Goal of exercise is to sort into three piles with your coach
Keep Garbage Donate
Then stop after 15 mintues and do something that feels good- go for a walk etc.
- At other times accompany them on fun non-acquiring trips. For people who acquire too many things, it can be extremely helpful to have someone go with them to a yard sale or a tempting store to help them resist temptation and ask the acquiring questions, and make the trip a success.
- Realize that change does not happen overnight and what you are practicing is challenging all or nothing thinking, perfectionism and internal criticism.
More Tips
- Return things you may be “storing” for others to them. If they decline to take possession of their items, inform them that the items will be donated/removed by a specific date. If items have not been reclaimed by that date, move ‘em out!
- If you have “inherited” family items that you do not wish to keep, offer them to other family members. See instructions above. If those who want to have the items ask you to continue “storing” them, the answer is NO. They must retrieve them by a certain date, and arrange storage themselves. You are moving the items out!
Where do I take things?
- Newspapers, bottles, cans, plastics can be recycled, (and in some communities even compostable wet wastes) often with your regular garbage collections-make sure to keep those items moving into your blue and green boxes.
- Clothing and small household items: Thrift shops such as Value Village and Salvation Army have locations in many communities. Churches sometimes also sponsor such locations. Women’s shelters, and charities holding fundraising yard sales welcome your donations. The next time one of the charities calls to pick up the things you don’t need any more make a date with them. The items you donate are sold to Value Village, with the shop selling them and providing employment, while the charity benefits from the $ they receive up front for the items.
- Books: some libraries accept donations of good used books for their shelves, or to sell to raise $ for programs.
Some communities have resale book stores that will offer you up to ½ the cover price for recent publications in good condition.
- Craft supplies: inquire if your local school, day care centre, scout or brownie troop could use them.
- Household interior and exterior paints: Cans in good shape can sometimes go to a specific location at the dump where folks can pick through them and take away what they think they can use.
- Vehicle fluids like oil, brake and transmission fluids: NEVER, NEVER dump these into the environment or into your sewage treatment system. Sometimes used motor oil can be reused to lubricate chain saw cutting blades, but otherwise any of these fluids should be taken to a hazardous waste disposal location.
- Some communities have added reuse it centers to their landfill sites to divert good useable items of all kinds from going into the landfill.
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